I hope you are as well as can be considering the situation. Me? I’m doing good, still crazy busy at work and loving every moment I’m with children. Very similar to when you use to tell me the wonderful stories of how much you loved working with children as a paediatric nurse. I don’t enjoy all the business stuff and grown up decisions but I’m getting there and yes my desk is looking a little tidier.
Miss 17 finishes school in a few weeks, (scary how quickly that came round ) mirroring my life to an extent at that age as she studies and plans for her gap year, pretty much what I was doing at 17. Although she is much more together than I was both mentally and emotionally.
You encouraged me to travel, to see the world, to learn from others, open your mind and your heart and although difficult for me as I will miss her and over worry daily, I have supported her decision to travel. I hope you keep an eye on her for me too. I see a lot of you in her, she laughs without care, it is loud and catching just like your laugh. We get the giggles together over very silly things much like you and me did. We sing well we sing in our own way and mime to songs, I remember singing with you daily. She is kind and aware of how people may be feeling just like you.
Little man is as happy as ever, a sensitive soul with an
slight addiction to Minecraft. Will still dance and sing impromptu giving it all he’s got. Remember all the shows he use to put on for you? always wanting to make you laugh and smile. He says every time we laugh he thinks of you and I have your twinkle in my eyes when I smile. Which is a good thing as I smile a lot.
I’m sure you know that back in June I lost a wonderful friend, so emotionally I’m fairly drained with the full blown realisation that there are no guarantees ever. I’ve taken this to heart and try with difficulty some days to just be and not get caught up in too much negativity. I still over think and struggle with the why’s of certain behaviours but that’s part of who I am, so I’ve started to see that as a kind of positive and accept myself a little more, life is too short to over analyse my over analysing.
Mum there have been days where I’ve missed you so much I’ve been sick, I can’t walk past Millers without tears and only yesterday did I listen once again to your favourite Julio songs in the car, imagining you next to me singing. I sang my heart out, without realising the sunroof was open, hence the strange looks.
You know I’m not a believer of many things but it makes me feel better in my head that I think I feel the essence of you and your values in a lot of what I do and I see it in Miss 17 and Mr 8.
The sun is shining bright today, the same as it was last year when you left. I’m taking that as your sign and your essence.
I miss you a year on, I’ll miss you forever……
Kissing you on your forehead a million times and holding your hand .
I love you mum.