Behaviour; What do you find unacceptable?
It has been an emotional year on many fronts, not only for me but for many of you, such is life an ever changing situation, that we cannot control. As a child I craved adulthood imagining that as a grown up it would be easier to change and comprehend the ins and outs of human behaviour and the complexity of our world. Why does someone abuse a child? Why did adults become alcoholic? Why are there children starving? Why were there bullies at school? Why did teachers have the power to make you feel on top of the world or an insignificant piece of nothingness. So many why’s with no substantial answers that did nothing to correlate my questions or make any sense to me as a child. Watching children in the playground, seeing how friendships developed and fell apart. The mothers waiting at the gates chatting and overhearing their comments about others. A young unnoticed observer of behaviour that was me in my childhood; my passion for understanding behaviour was sparked early.
As an adult I still have the why’s and what feels like a million unanswered questions that race through my head every minute of every day. The voice is constantly there, with many behaviours there are explanations and answers; you have to dig really deep, look at past history, patterns, relationships, emotions, triggers, and at the bigger complexity of the picture and try and put the puzzle pieces back into place or into some order.
Some questions have no answers, will they ever? Unfortunately I don’t think they will. I can only hope and pursue the changes I would like to see. Unacceptable to have children and adults starving, unacceptable to have children and adults being abused emotionally and physically; there are many unacceptable situations that many of us want to see actively change, I ask the questions but finding the answers many a time I hit a wall. Yet I keep banging on and will continue.
Being an adult is bloody hard work, not quite the picture my child like imagination had envisaged. Initially studying and working with behaviour was my way of trying to comprehend the world and everyone’s differences. What makes us who we are? I longed to understand why events that occurred in my childhood were so intrinsic to what I would become. Events that could have broken my soul, images that replay in my head over and over, the darkness will always be there I accept that, the light I let in makes the dark place livable. This led to my current role of working with children and their behaviour. A role that I love because every single child deserves a chance to be uniquely who they are, yes we need to start thinking outside the box, what works for one may not work for the other, children are as unique as you and me; what works for me, may not work for you.
I remember last year saying “Well if 2012 is just a little bit easier all will be ok”. So far 2012 has tested me emotionally and physically to extremes I never thought possible, not only with my mum’s Alzheimer’s and her death but with everything else that life brings. I’m still standing, albeit a bit wobbly, slightly shaken and as part of who I am still finding the happy moments when ever I can. Right up until laying bed waiting for sleep to take some kind of hold, it takes a while to lower the volume on the questions and replace them with images of happiness, no matter how small, they are the happy pockets that keep me going, they keep me sane. Yes there are people so much worse of than me, I know but how we feel is not measurable, pain, hurt is what it is.
Behaviour the Unacceptable
I’m fairly easy going, there is a long list of stuff that really does not bother me anymore, my wall it shields me. My feelings may get bruised, maybe I”ll be
WTF ? asking the Mr. or a friend or twitter what they think. Working with behaviour and alongside the compassion my mum displayed, I look at the bigger picture, it takes a lot of practice, I stuff it up at times, it is not easy to do 24/7. When I talk about the bigger picture, I’m not in their shoes; perhaps they were rude due to feeling unwell, they have a sick child at home etc.. Sometimes the bigger picture fails me.
- I accept you may not like me without even saying hello. I find it unacceptable when you say “I can’t stand her in the mini skirt, she’s the stuck up English mum” Your voice was loud my children heard you. An opportunity to explain that we can not get on with everyone.
- I accept we may not support the same sporting team. I find unacceptable when you and your teenage sons shout out “Annihilate that slag”. That slag is my daughter, she heard you, my 7 year old son heard you and everyone there heard you. An opportunity to have a quiet word with you and your sons with an apology which I accepted.
- I accept your religion. I find unacceptable when you say “I will burn in hell”. My religion lives is in my heart and through my actions, also known as kindness and compassion. An opportunity for me to take a deep breath and walk away.
- I accept your healthy meal and snack choices for your children and that they have never ever had anything that is considered junk . I find it unacceptable when you gasp in horror because I let my children eat chocolate, ice-cream and Macca’s. My children have this occasionally, you are presuming this is what I give them everyday. An opportunity for me to have a chocolate milkshake with my kids.
- I accept that you blog daily. I find it unacceptable that you felt you should write to me and tell me that I am not a blogger because I do not blog daily or weekly. An opportunity to say that after an extensive research I could not find the Blog Rule book that sates you must blog daily to be a blogger. My blog my rules.
- I accept you do not like tattoos, piercings, lots of jewellery. I find it unacceptable that you feel that what I have on my body gives you the impression of who I am underneath. An opportunity to carry on being me.
- I accept you have emotions. I find it unacceptable to be told “Snap out of it”. An opportunity to deal with how I feel without judgement.
- I accept that you can forgive and forget. I find unacceptable that you feel I should do the same. An opportunity to see how far I’ve come, the scars stay the resilience grows. Some things do not have to be forgiven.
- I accept you have a variety of friends. I find it unacceptable that you voice loudly your discern at my choice of friends.
- I accept children can be hard work and I know parenting/motherhood is a roller coaster. I find it unacceptable when you judge another child or mother without looking or thinking about the bigger picture.
- I accept pretty much anything -behaviour is complex. I do not accept abuse, prejudices and discrimination across all areas. An opportunity to be more empathic and create The KIND EYES project which will be ready soon.