Motherhood – Totally Unprepared!
Nothing in the world can prepare you for Motherhood. No matter what you read or get told. There are not enough adjectives, verbs or nouns to describe Motherhood. I remember very clearly when one of my best friend from school had her first baby. My beautiful, super organised, glamourous girlfriend; opening the front door, looking absolutely petrified, tired, with tears streaming down her face. She looked deranged, she hugged me so tight and cried. Leading her to the couch I hugged her back, stroked her forehead and asked “Sweetheart what the F*** happen? Talk to me”. A shrilling cry, a sound unknown to me like a fire alarm drill on caffeine pierced through the room. She looked at me and in a muffled strained sentence said “What the F*** happened, is that I had a baby”.
Move forward to the next year, when my girlfriend came to visit me after my daughter was born and there I stood at the door looking absolutely petrified, tired, with tears streamimg down my face, my PJ’s covered in milk and a number of other fluids and solids with tears streaming down my face saying “Take her, hold her and cuddle her”.
Some how I got through it, took me about a two years to find my own motherhood stride an internal personal agreement that winging it was my stride and my parenting style. A style that on a good day was getting dressed. You do what you can and cope the best way you can. We are all different therefore we all have are own way of dealing with things, although I do get flashbacks of how much I cried, either tears of happiness, frustration, sadness, whatever they were for I remember crying and lots of it, sometimes I cried more than my baby. I did love my baby with all my heart, just had emotions running through my body I had never felt in my life before.
As a new mother, I had constant jet lag without travelling and I lived in my pyjamas for a couple of
weeks months OK nearly a year. Trying to read my newborn daughters cries. I had a book that told me it was easy to read your babies cries and differentiate between hunger, sleep, etc.. I can’t sing in tune let alone distinguish a cry.
With my daughter was six I started to panic about her teenagers years, just thinking of mine made me shudder. The Mr. thought it a good idea to write a contract with her, something we could both use in her teens, to remind her that we love her unconditionally and of course sing our own praises. It’s Mr 7′s contract time this weekend.
Motherhood ”Wow Mummy your vagina is massive!”
Now as my kids are older they never cease to amaze me with their vitality for life and are always on the go. Mr 7 is a happy, sensitive soul his view of the world is simple, have fun be kind. Miss 16 is confident, has the best laugh ever and a strong sense of justice her view of the world right now is “Mum will I ever need to use simultaneous equations in the real world?“ If I could bottle up the happiness and energy my 7-year-old son has and distribute it as a pick me up tonic I’d make a fortune. Yet even today I can feel unprepared for situations and questions that occur daily, again I revert to my winging it mode, which also includes turning a bright shade of red and wishing I had an invisibility cloak.
- Mr 3 with at the grocery checkout he announced to all “Mummy has a very hairy bottom, the lady took a long time to ripped it all off”
- Miss 4 in a restaurant ” Mummy did I come out of your tummy?” “No darling, mummy has already explained you came out from we can talk more about it at home” I was trying to be discreet the restaurant was packed. Miss 4 “Oh mum you mean your vagina. Wow mummy that’s right your vagina is massive” At the top of her darling voice. The whole restaurant heard and laughed uncontrollably.
- Always at the shops Mr 6 ” Ah my head is so itchy I must have a million nits, can you check mum?”
- Miss 2 back in the UK to the milkman, post man, any man really that came to the front door “Are you my daddy?”
- Mr 7 on seeing lady with a box of tampons “Hey lady, don’t put those in your nerf gun they get stuck”
- Visiting A&E with my kids, one managed to shove a ball of tissue so high up their nose it had to be removed by a doctor, the other found a tic tac and pushed that up their nose, again requiring removal by a doctor.
- My Miss 2 use to strip off at the gym creche and run around naked, with the creche staff calling for me over the loud speaker to come quick my child was naked again.
- The day Mr 6 was captivated by the love bites on the checkout girl’s neck.
- At zoo with Mr 6 and some of his friends, watching the gorilla whilst the zoo keeper is talking about gorillas. The gorilla decides that this is the moment to really pull at its penis for a jolly. The zoo keeper is explaining that this particular gorilla had an infection in his hand and it had to be amputated. Mr 6 puts his hand up to ask a question. I feel proud my son is getting involved until Mr 6 says ” Mrs Zookeeper lady did the Gorilla get an infection on his hand from pulling his penis so much like he is now?”
There are so many times I’ve been unprepared and I’m sure there are many more delightful memories to be had with my children. Have you been unprepared ?